Withdrawls

I've been trying to cut back on our fast food consumption over the fast few weeks. See, the problem is that McDonald's, Wendys, Taco Bell, Sonic, Jimmy John's, and probably a dozen more restraunts and fast food joints are within a block to a block and a half from where we live. But then I buy groceries on top of going out to eat. We have a fairly busy schedule, so usually on the way home, fast food trumps any dinner I have planned unless it is a crock pot dinner. And it has been so hot here lately that I haven't wanted to entertain the idea of any kind of food until I am ravenous and can eat a whole entire cow! Well, anyway, so I saw how much money I was spending on food, fast food in general, then I tried to put on a pair of my jeans from last fall and could barely get them up my thighs, so I decided it was time to eat more healthy and at home. It has been two weeks and I almost have another pay check's worth of money at the end, but today I was feeling really awful. I had a headache that I couldn't get rid of, no food tasted any good, my stomach was really gurglely(if that is a word). So when I went to take The Boy to his therapy appointment we stopped at McDonald's and I got a small hamburger and a small pop. INSTANTLY I felt MUCH better! It's crazy how dependant my body has become on food with high sodium content and preservatives. Not to mention fat. I tried cutting out sugar too, but when I found myself crouched in front of the pantry at 3 in the morning snarfing down marshmallows from the bag because it was the only sugary treat we had , I realized that I had hit an all time new low and that a little sugar isn't that bad for me.

Wish Lists

Next week I turn another year older! I've learned so many important lessons that seemed awful at first, but ended up being wonderful blessings at the end of the day. Quite the year! Along with my birthday comes the inevitable question from loved ones: What would you like this year? Well, let me tell you! Aside from the big ticket things- A Silhouette or Cricut and a great vaccuum, I want a nap. That's right, a nice long, uninteruppted, middle of the day, nap! Without the dog or children in the house, my phone shut off for the afternoon, a DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS AN EMERGENCY sign on my door, and the fan on with my down comforter pulled over my head! OHHHHHH! I haven't had one of those since college! I also want one afternoon to clean and organize one room in my house. I'm talking completely clean to the point of eating off of the floor and walls. And organized with a label maker and pretty little fabric covered boxes. A place for everything and everything in it's place. AHHHH! That's my Xanex! Clean and organized! Did I mention I would like a label maker and pretty litle fabric covered boxes?!? :) My, how my tastes in gifts have changed over the years! I'm fully satisfied with just a little alone time, just one afternoon and some time with the girls making fun of our husbands and comparing how demanding our children are! Maybe even playing some darts or Rummy or cornhole? And a bottle of wine? I'll pump and discard! And maybe a lunch and window shopping date with just my mom. No kids in tow, just my mom and myself looking at crafts and clothes and eating a nice lunch where we both can eat from beginning to finish of the meal at. the. same. time! ;) Ha!
What about you? What kind of gifts are perfect for your birthdays or holidays? Have your gift tastes changed?

Asperger's Disorder hits home

After several tests it is an official and final Diagnosis: The Boy has been Diagnosed with ASD/Asperger's Disorder. This diagnosis is both a blessing and heartbreaking at the same time. The Boy has always had problems with other children. Always. For 8 yrs, since he started daycare, I have been in and out of offices, had confrontations with teachers, directors, principals, other parents, and even my own friends and family members about his behavior and incidents with their/other children. It has been a long and emotional road. I'm glad this problem has a name and that it wasn't a result of me being a bad parent. I have heard that so many times I began to wonder if it was true. If all of my advocating was just me being in denial over my own poor parenting skills. Is it wrong if I feel relieved? If I want to just take a day to lay in bed and morn? I know I need to rejoice at the same time though. The Boy is a true blessing to me. With all of the hardships that go along with his disorder he has brought many more blessings as a result of it. And he has SO. MANY. gifts that a person with a balanced nuero-biology doesn't have. And now he has help and resources available to him. And my family and I now have resources available to us to help us deal with the issues and to help us help him along.

I still struggle with other children though. Right now we have a bad situation with our neighbor across the street. The little boy bullies my son terribly when adults aren't around. I've tried talking to his mom about it but she doesn't see it and blames Andrew. All of the other neighbors see it and have come to me about it. Other children in the neighborhood have come to me about it. The Boy won't say anything because he wants so badly to be best friends with this child. So I have let it go because at the end of the day we have to live here. Well, this child has a friend that is in my son's class and that child comes over for overnights. But both boys are horrible to my son and make it clear that they want to be left alone. Even though I have repeatedly advised my son to give them their space, he repeatedly goes over there to play. He doesn't actually have any friends. He makes them easily but he can't keep them. Either they can't handle him or they do something immoral and he severs the friendship. Anyway, so these boys were taunting him and he came home in tears. I was angry at him having to deal with this and having this happen again. This happened at our last neighborhood and his last school. So we were taking a walk with the baby and had to walk by the neighbor's house. They two boys saw my son and starting hamming up their friendship, then said something nasty when he walked past. This is where my confession comes in. I said something horrible. Absolutely wrong and horrible. And I feel terrible about it. I am an adult and I know better. The friend's dad is in jail. So my remark to The Boy, loud enough to be heard, was not to listen to him, he is a loser and will end up just like his father, in jail. Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I love kids, I work with children for a living and I have immense patience. What was I thinking? I feel so sick to my stomach that I said something so awful and hurtful- to a child. He is a kid doing what children do, I am an adult and need to be the example. Hurting fro my son and being under stress just isn't an excuse. My father was in prison for a embesslement, so I know the shame and the hurt. I would have been crushed if someone said something so horrible to me. the boys went in and said something to the mother about it, as they should have, and we all had a discussion. It ended well, but I still feel terrible. I had no right to say what I did. The child lied though to the mother about saying the things he said and lied about slapping my son across the face. But the thing with Asperger's is, they can't tell a lie. It's immoral and they won't do it. So I know my son is telling the truth. I know he is different and can be annoying and irritating, but he doesn't deserve to always be picked on and beat up. But even though this boy was equally as horrible to my child, I am the adult and had no right to say what I did. I don't know what to do from here.