After several tests it is an official and final Diagnosis: The Boy has been Diagnosed with ASD/Asperger's Disorder. This diagnosis is both a blessing and heartbreaking at the same time. The Boy has always had problems with other children. Always. For 8 yrs, since he started daycare, I have been in and out of offices, had confrontations with teachers, directors, principals, other parents, and even my own friends and family members about his behavior and incidents with their/other children. It has been a long and emotional road. I'm glad this problem has a name and that it wasn't a result of me being a bad parent. I have heard that so many times I began to wonder if it was true. If all of my advocating was just me being in denial over my own poor parenting skills. Is it wrong if I feel relieved? If I want to just take a day to lay in bed and morn? I know I need to rejoice at the same time though. The Boy is a true blessing to me. With all of the hardships that go along with his disorder he has brought many more blessings as a result of it. And he has SO. MANY. gifts that a person with a balanced nuero-biology doesn't have. And now he has help and resources available to him. And my family and I now have resources available to us to help us deal with the issues and to help us help him along.
I still struggle with other children though. Right now we have a bad situation with our neighbor across the street. The little boy bullies my son terribly when adults aren't around. I've tried talking to his mom about it but she doesn't see it and blames Andrew. All of the other neighbors see it and have come to me about it. Other children in the neighborhood have come to me about it. The Boy won't say anything because he wants so badly to be best friends with this child. So I have let it go because at the end of the day we have to live here. Well, this child has a friend that is in my son's class and that child comes over for overnights. But both boys are horrible to my son and make it clear that they want to be left alone. Even though I have repeatedly advised my son to give them their space, he repeatedly goes over there to play. He doesn't actually have any friends. He makes them easily but he can't keep them. Either they can't handle him or they do something immoral and he severs the friendship. Anyway, so these boys were taunting him and he came home in tears. I was angry at him having to deal with this and having this happen again. This happened at our last neighborhood and his last school. So we were taking a walk with the baby and had to walk by the neighbor's house. They two boys saw my son and starting hamming up their friendship, then said something nasty when he walked past. This is where my confession comes in. I said something horrible. Absolutely wrong and horrible. And I feel terrible about it. I am an adult and I know better. The friend's dad is in jail. So my remark to The Boy, loud enough to be heard, was not to listen to him, he is a loser and will end up just like his father, in jail. Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I love kids, I work with children for a living and I have immense patience. What was I thinking? I feel so sick to my stomach that I said something so awful and hurtful- to a child. He is a kid doing what children do, I am an adult and need to be the example. Hurting fro my son and being under stress just isn't an excuse. My father was in prison for a embesslement, so I know the shame and the hurt. I would have been crushed if someone said something so horrible to me. the boys went in and said something to the mother about it, as they should have, and we all had a discussion. It ended well, but I still feel terrible. I had no right to say what I did. The child lied though to the mother about saying the things he said and lied about slapping my son across the face. But the thing with Asperger's is, they can't tell a lie. It's immoral and they won't do it. So I know my son is telling the truth. I know he is different and can be annoying and irritating, but he doesn't deserve to always be picked on and beat up. But even though this boy was equally as horrible to my child, I am the adult and had no right to say what I did. I don't know what to do from here.
