I watched the episode of Parenthood on NBC tonight where Max finds out he has Asperger's Syndrome. Andrew and I actually watched it together, he hasn't said too much about it, but his symptoms are much milder than the character's on the show. But I still have a few things to say about it:
1.) Andrew's therapist told the two of us together in a very non-formal way. There were no tears, there was no sadness. The mom in the show cried, and I agree with the therapist, that was a bad move. I agree that it shows mourning and that the child could think that having Asperger's is something to mourn or feel bad or ashamed about. It is none of the above! It's just like the dad said, he has his strengths and his challenges, just like everyone else in this world, and Asperger's is just a part of that.
2.) The therapist suggested that the parents read a script he gave them and have a re-do with Max, accentuating the positives of Asperger's. I am on the fence with this. I agree with Adam that it's a bunch of propaganda, but at the same time, I did tell Andrew that his Asperger's comes with many gifts. Many gifts that I don't have and that his sister doesn't have. We all have our gifts that God gave us, our strengths and our weaknesses. I then did something I saw on a Nanny show a long time ago, I took a pile of "my name is" labels and wrote out Andrew's strengths and gifts as I said them out loud, then I placed them on his chest. There are times when he has had a bad day and says that he doesn't want these gifts and that this is the worst gift he has ever been given. Those days I just hold him and tell him how much I love him, how loved he is, and how I love him exactly the way he is. I wouldn't want him any other way. Those days are rough, my heart breaks in a million pieces, but I don't cry in front of him. We are blessed. He doesn't have terminal cancer. He's not autistic or Down's Syndrome.He has 2 arms and 2 legs, 10 fingers and 10 toes. We talk about the ways he is like other children. The things he can do with them or just like them, as well as celebrate the ways he is different and the things he can do that other children cannot..... like remember every character from every movie/tv show he has ever seen, or have AMAZING empathy skills. Andrew is an amazing actor and playwrite. He has this idea for The Wizard of Oz to be re-done in a Tim Burton-ish way. He has the kindest heart of any child I have met so far. BUT he doesn't understand the hidden meanings behind facial expressions, he doesn't recognize intentions and sees actions as good or bad, he lacks the filter to not verbalize every thought in his mind, and the concept of tone of voice is completely lost on him. It's like they said in the show, I've had to teach him to remember to look in people's eyes when they talk, how to smile when he greets people, how to change his voice tone when he asks a question...and the list could go on. Even with those challenges, we are still very blessed. I have learned that it helps to count your blessings during the worst moments. It really does help!
3.) I love how they talked to him at the end when he asked if he will always have it. Adam answered " Yes, you will always have a great sense of humor and a great memory....." It was beautiful. That brought me to tears. It is something that is rough. Some days are great, other days I resent him for being this way. Through it all I love him unconditionally and I just hope for the best. I hope that the coping skills I teach and re-teach him every day will stick with him some day and that he will be able to function and live on his own as an adult. I hope that all of his dreams become his reality and that some day he can find a woman who loves him and is as dedicated to him as I am. He is amazing, some days it is more difficult to remember than others, but he always amazing.
Andrew and I have been learning about this together, finding out what works for him by trial and error, day by day. I will be posting again soon about the things that worked for us as far as scheduling, errands, bed-time, and behavior. I really hope we can help others with our experiences and make this a little bit of an easier ride than it would otherwise be.
